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Wal-Mart Expedition: Jhev and Gary Style

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"No. Absolutely not." Jhev said automatically to Kail's idea despite how Lunar and Gary were all nodding their heads vigorously at it.

"Why? It'll be fun! Plus I need new socks and we can get them while we are there!" Kail said, throwing his hands up in the air.

"You can borrow my socks, I'm too comfortable to get up and I have a bad feeling about this." Jhev mumbled, curling down under his blanket. All four of them were seated on Jhev's couch. Gary sat beside him, with Jhev underneath a large blanket cause he had complained he was cold. Lunar and Kail had somehow ended up sitting next to each other, and they kept purposefully moving around so that they stepped on each other's feet.

"I say we go." Lunar said, for the first time agreeing with Kail.... kind of. He was staring at Gary as he said it.

"Hm...." Gary said and smirked, "This could be fun." He said and got off the couch easily, stretching his muscles, "We go."

"We go? WE go?" Jhev said and ducked under the blanket, covering his head with it, "You can't make me."

All of the three stared at the lump under the blanket and Gary smirked, "I'm pretty sure I could make you do anything with just a bit of... temptation."

"Oh gross, stop talking about sexual things with Jhev around me." Kail mumbled and stood up, then grabbed the end of the blanket and started to tug on it, but hands reached up from beneath and held it in place.

"I will say sexual things whenever I need to." Gary said and crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at a piece of white hair sticking out from beneath the blanket beside him, and he smirked, "Hey, Jhev?"

There was a short pause, then, "Yea, Gary?"

"If you don't go with us, then I'm going to color pieces of your hair pink, with Lunar's help."

Lunar's mouth popped open, "Perfect!"
The blanket flew up and Jhev glared at them all, "Don't touch my hair." He grumbled and stood up off the couch, grumbling as he pulled his combat boots on without lacing them up, and a zip-up sweatshirt.

Gary snickered and stood up too, his shoes already on, "I wouldn't dream of it." He said and reached up, running his fingers through Jhev's hair, "I like it too much like this."

Kail fake gagged at that, which made Lunar reach up and smack him across the head, "Let Gary be sexual."

Kail turned and narrowed his eyes at Lunar, "If you smack me again, I'm going to have to kill you."

"I'd like to see you try, blueberry." Lunar said, pointedly looking at Kail's gray/blue hair when he said the name.

Kail pulled his fist back to punch Lunar, when Jhev reached out and grabbed Kail's arm, pulling him towards the car, "Come on big guy. Time to go." He grumbled.

"Too much of a wuss to fight me, I see." Lunar mumbled, following behind Gary.

Jhev suddenly froze and then turned around, "We don't have a car to drive..." He said, slowly.

Kail turned in his spot and stared at Jhev's beautiful, original paint and inside, red mustang.

"No." Jhev said and shook his head, stepping back, "Not my baby. You are not taking my baby."

"Baby?" Gary asked, and peered closely at the car, letting out a soft 'hum' in interest, "Just looks like a car to me."

"It's.. It's not JUST a car! That is my car!" Jhev said, and stepped back a little bit more.

Kail turned to him, smirking, "Jhev we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way." He said, crouching down.

"Don't you even think abou-" Jhev started to say, when Kail tackled him to the ground and put him in a headlock, "Somebody grab the keys out of the front of his jeans!" Kail screamed.

"No!" Jhev screamed, and tried to wiggle around, only to have Lunar hold down his legs.

"I think I'll be the only one reaching into Jhev's pants." Gary said, casually, putting his hand in the front pocket of Jhev's pants, and maybe feeling around a bit more than he had to for Jhev's keys, before he pulled out the jangling keys and held them up, "Success."

Kail nodded and smirked, letting Jhev go, who just laid defeated on the ground, his eyes narrowed in a glare.

"I knew this was a bad idea." Jhev said and struggled to his feet, reaching out to grab the keys. Gary snickered and held them back, shaking his head.

"Not going to happen Jhev. I'm driving." He said and opening up the drivers side car door and got in, turning the car on so that it purred beautifully.

Kail and Jhev froze, Kail's mouth popping open in a little 'o'.

"Hey Gary. That's..... That might not be the best idea." Kail said and reached out, tugging on Gary's sleeve through the open car door.

"Gary can drive just fine! He does drag races all the time." Lunar said, climbing into the back of the car.

Jhev's face paled when he heard that, making Kail turn toward him with wide eyes.

"I'm really sorry about this, man." Kail said and turned, walking toward the passengers side of the car.

Jhev snapped out of his reverie and took off running, pushing Kail out of the way and sitting in the passengers side, "So if Gary wrecks it, I can try to help." Jhev said, buckling himself in and smirking at Gary and Kail.

Kail let out a grumble and slid into the back of the car, giving Lunar a look, which Lunar happily gave back. Let's just say it wasn't a very nice one.

"Now kids, hold on tight." Gary said and slammed his foot down on the gas, speeding out of the driveway with a spray of gravel dirt and a loud round of fowl words from Jhev and a shout of glee from Lunar.


---

When the bright red car pulled up to the front of Wal-Mart, Jhev threw himself out of the car, forcing the door open, Kail calmly following him with Lunar behind, throwing his fists up in the air.

"Dude! I totally thought you were going to hit that old lady!" Lunar said and slapped Gary on the back as he came up, swinging the key ring around his finger, "But you missed her!"

"I'm just that awesome." Gary said and patted Jhev on the back, "There there. Someday you'll get used to my driving."

"Never. Will. I. Ever. Ride. With you ... again!" Jhev said and turned around, looking his car over.

"Nonsense. You have to ride back with me, do you not?" Gary said and smirked.

Jhev just walked toward the door, huffing, "We shall cross that bridge when we get to it." He said, walking in.

"Don't worry. I think he's on his period." Lunar said, and snickered, walking behind Jhev.

"Hey Lunar, Jhev's a guy. I know you're not, so you may get confused on this, but I'll help you." Kail said, with a bright smile on his face.

"He is a babe." Gary said, running his fingers through his hair.

"I am not a girl!" Jhev said, turning his head to look at the others and completely slamming into a mom and little girl with her grocery car.

"I never said you were a girl, I said you were a babe." Gary said and looped his arm around Jhev's waist, keeping him on his feet, and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Jhev's cheeks went bright red as the cart just about tipped over, and the girl made a sick face at Jhev and Gary, the little girl just giggling at the two.

"Same thing." Jhev mumbled, ducking his head and rubbing his hands through his hair. He cast a glance over at Lunar and Kail, who were in a heated discussion about which spaghetti sauce was better.

"What should we do first?" Gary whispered, sliding his hands tighter around Jhev's waist, and pulling him back against his chest, effectively grinding against him.

Jhev's cheeks went even redder and he pulled away, looking around with wide eyes at the people watching him, "I.. Umm. Uh... Carts." Jhev said, stuttering.

Gary laughed loudly, making Lunar and Kail pause in their conversation and turn towards them.

"What did you do to him?" Kail asked, stepping forward, "Make sex to him in the middle of the store?" Kail said, always blunt.

That just made Gary laugh louder, earning some very odd looks, "And if I did?" Gary asked, amused.

"I would run in the opposite direction. No offense, Boss-man, I really don't want to see that part of you. Ever." Kail said, this time directing his words to Jhev.

"If you ever do see that part of me, I'm pretty sure Gary will kill you." Jhev said and snickered, making Gary tilt his head to the side as if thinking about it, before nodding in agreement.

"Okay! This is boring. Hop to it. I'm going to the ladies department, going to get my creep on." Lunar shouted back, already walking away.

Kail rolled his eyes and followed after slowly, "Better than staying with you two horny teenagers... plus somebody good looking needs to follow him, to steal the girls, cause they sure as hell aren't going to be flocking after him." He mumbled, trailing off as he got further away.

Jhev stared and then turned to Gary, mentally thinking about all the things that could go wrong with this equation.

"I have an idea." Gary said, a wicked glint in his eye.

"And it begins..." Jhev mumbled, as Gary grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the medicine aisles.

"You don't want to know my amazing idea?" Gary asked, smirking.

"I'm not sure, does it involve one of us getting naked?" Jhev asked, cautiously.

Gary snickered, "Not this plan, but I'll keep that idea in mind, thanks Jhevie."

 Jhev grumbled at the name, then froze when he realized exactly what they were going towards. On the back of the wall, sat rows of boxes that he never thought he'd have to go to. Condoms.

"Oh Lord in Heaven..." Jhev mumbled, as Gary grabbed one of them and opened the box, looking around to make sure no store personnel was watching him, as he pulled a little, square package and ripped it open, pulling out the condom.

"I thought you said it didn't involve one of us getting naked!" Jhev gasped out, making several people turn around with curious eyes.

"It doesn't! I wouldn't lie to you about that! I'd just let it happen." Gary said and shrugged.

"That's not very reassuring." Jhev said, and crossed his arms over his chest, "Still. What are you doing?"

"Watch and learn." Gary said, watching a store clerk make his way over and start to rearrange something on the shelves, "Target Acquired."

Jhev followed Gary's eyesight and tilted his head to the side, turning to talk to Gary, but he had already started his way over. Jhev reached out and tried to grab him, "Wait, what do you mean?" He whispered, just not quite reaching Gary before he walked up to the guy, holding the condom up.

Jhev watched in horror as Gary tapped the clerk on the back, making him turn around.

"Hey sir, mom told me never to touch one of these, what do you do with them?" Gary asked, in a very childish voice to the clerk. The clerk's eyes went huge, as he caught sight of the condom and stepped back slightly.

"Sir maybe.. you should.. put that down." The clerk said, his voice soft, as he glanced around to make sure he wasn't making a fool of himself.

"But this is the only time I'm allowed to ask!" Gary said, in a whiney voice. He thrust the condom into the clerks face, it slapping the man on the nose, "What does it do?"

"It's... It's... to go.. on your.. umm.." The clerk said and looked around, as if he was about ready to run, but images of every job he had lost ran through his mind and he knew he couldn't.

Gary flashed Jhev a smirk, then turned around with big doe eyes at the clerk, "Wait! Is it a balloon?" Gary asked and put it against his mouth and started to blow into it, trying to get it to blow up.

Jhev slapped his hand over his mouth as a laugh broke out from his lips, his cheeks extremely red from embarrassment but he just couldn't hold back his laughter.

"No! Don't put it on your mouth! Wait, is it used?" The guy asked, his face going a sickly green at the thought.

"I have no idea. I found it in the bathroom." Gary said, tilting his head to the side, "Why? Can't you reuse balloons?"

The clerk's mouth popped open and he gagged, trying to furiously wipe at the spot on his nose the condom had touched, "That's disgusting! Get the hell away from me!" The clerk screamed, right as the manager walked right up behind him.

"Phil! That is a customer! What do you think you're doing?!" The manager screamed, then turned and stared at Gary, "I am so sorry sir!"

Gary quickly shoved the condom behind him, dropping it on the ground and getting an innocent look on his face, "This is unacceptable! That man just came up and attacked me!" Gary said, fake shaking.

The manager shook his head, "Sir I am so sorry. If there is anything I can do, please tell me so that we can keep your business."

"Well..." Gary said, trailing off, "I want an apology." Gary said and smirked at the clerk, who was starting to look extremely pissed off.

"I will not give you an apology! He came up and slapped me in the face with a used condom!" Phil said, his hands turning into fists.

"Then I guess you won't be seeing me, or anybody I know back in this store!" Gary said, and started to turn away,

"Phil! Apologize!" The clerk said, thinking about the amounts of money that could be lost due to this.


---

While Gary and Jhev were busy terrorizing Phil, Lunar and Kail were effectively being creepers in the lingerie department.

"Here Lunar, these look like something you would wear." Kail said and shot a pair of lace underwear that looked exactly like pieces of strings.

"Shut up man. You're so much of a bitch, I bet you wouldn't even wear underwear." Lunar snapped and threw the panties back in Kail's face.

"Oh now you've done it! Calling an Angel a bitch huh? That's mature." Kail snapped and grabbed another piece of panties, holding them like you were about to shot a rubber band, and they flung forward into Lunar's face.

Lunar's eyes flashed, "It's on." He said, in an odd gruff, and slightly scary voice. He reached down and grabbed his own amount of panties and started to fling them at Kail.

Kail ducked and slid behind a rack of clothes, army crawling forward with the panties and sitting underneath it, shooting Lunar in the face with the panties.

"You ass! You can't camp in war!" Lunar said and got right in front of Kail's face, shooting him numerous times.

"NO! You know you wear them! Here, I'll even help you put them on!" Kail said, changing his aim for Lunar's groin instead.

Lunar shook his head, "Shut up, you winged idiot!" Lunar snapped out, and shoved some panties into Kail's mouth.

Kail chocked and spit them out, wincing and rubbing his jaw, "Ow! What the hell man!"

"Just trying to help you out man, this is probably the only panties you're going to ever see, so don't get too excited, this is not erection time." Lunar said, his eyes amused.

Kail's mouth popped open, "How dare you!" He said and tackled Lunar, strapped a pair of panties onto his head and then standing up, and laughing, "I can get more woman then you any day!"

"I doubt it." Lunar grumbled, getting to his feet and trying to tug the panties off.

Kail decided to take this moment and use it to his advantage. He grabbed hold of some panties and started to fling them into Lunar's face. About the fifth one he flung, a lacy, yellow pair with bumble bees on them, his fingers slipped and the flung way past Lunars head and hit some poor, old lady with curled up white hair, in the side of her head.

The old lady looked down and slowly grabbed the panties from the ground, holding them up and checking the tag.

"Thank you young man! These are exactly my size, and what I wear! I finally found some! They're so hard to find." She said, and smiled at the two, three of her teeth missing in the front.

Lunar finally managed to rip the panties off of his head, and seen the horrified look on Kail's face. Curiosity got to him, and he slowly looked over to what Kail was looking at, seeing the old lady, the panties, and things finally clicked together in his head, making an identical look flash across Lunar's face as Kails.

"I'll be sure to wear these! I owe you two so much!" The old lady said, and let out a laugh, flinging them into her cart and pushing it slowly forward.

"Oh lord... We really didn't need to know that..." Kail said and gagged, stepping backwards.

"As much as it sickens me to do so, I agree with you." Lunar said and turned and ran out of the panties aisle.

"Hey! Don't leave me here all alone!" Kail screamed at Lunar, as the old lady came towards him, her arms held out and her lips puckered up as if she was going to kiss him on the cheek.

Kail quickly ended up on Lunar's heels, both racing toward the front of the store to get away, a destruction of panties left in their wake from the mini war they had.


---

Jhev and Gary had since moved on from the medicine aisle to one of those aisles where they have stuff set up on specials. Like Halloween, Valentines day, and coincidentally at the moment it was summer. The manager of the store had thought it would be a great idea to set up a pool with water in it, in the middle of this aisle. It was a great way to 'showcase our assets' as he had said. To Gary, it was just something extremely fun.

Gary and Jhev had walked past the aisle casually, Gary's arm around Jhev's waist, before Gary stopped suddenly and forced them to both walk backwards, and stopped in the entrance of the aisle.

"Oh holy shit, it's a pool." Gary said, and started towards it, Jhev's eyes wide. For one, he didn't like pools, it took an ungodly amount of time to dry out his wings when he got them wet, and secondly... for some reason he didn't think Gary and pools mixed well.

"Maybe we should just go to the cake aisle... it's always fun..." Jhev said, as Gary leaned over the pool and stuck his hand in it, feeling how cold or hot the water was.

"Why would we do that when we have a pool to swim in!" Gary said and grabbed ahold of Jhev's arm and flung both of them into the water, much to Jhev's vocal objections.

Jhev's head got dunked, because Gary landed on top of him and he winced, trying to force his way up. Suddenly Gary's weight was gone, and he swam up to the surface to see what had happened. He break through the surface spluttering and coughing up water, then reached up and moved his wet, white bangs out of his face so that he could see, only to come face to face with the store cop.

"Having fun, son?" The cop said, tilting his head down, so that his glasses that rested on his nose, flashed in the light.

"I'm screwed aren't I?" Jhev asked, peering behind the cop to see a very wet Gary, running away with his hands in the air. Such a good citizen, helping Jhev. Not.

"Yes, yes you are." The cop said, and reached out, grabbing onto Jhev's arm and pulling him out of the pool. Jhev stood their awkwardly, completely drenched and dripping on Wal-Marts floor.

"How about we go downtown, and you can sit in a cell for just a bit. I'm assuming you're the one who wrecked the lingerie section?" The cop said, tapping his foot on the floor and bringing out some handcuffs.

"I'm pretty sure that was Lunar and Kail..." Jhev said, shifting on his feet and staring at the cop with wide eyes. He had a very bad feeling about this whole situation. Mostly because from where he was standing, he could see out the front doors of the store, and could see Gary, Lunar, and Kail standing there. Kail's face was white, Gary was still dripping with water, trying to wring his hair out, and Lunar looked like he was going to pee himself from laughing so hard.

"I don't think so, I think you were the only one." The cop said and slapped the handcuffs on Jhev, and pushed him out of the store, where his friends, boyfriend and his car had suddenly disappeared.

"Sir, I swear to you, I had nothing to do with this. Just check the videotapes!" Jhev said, his voice quiet and slightly scared.

"Sure, sure, We'll judge that tomorrow." The cop said, "After I've watched the tapes, which I doubt I'll find anything worth my time."

About that time, Jhev heard a horrible screeching sound that sounded ridiculously close to the sound his tires had made earlier with Gary's driving... Which, it was.

Jhev's car raced forward, right past him and he felt the window break across his legs from it driving so close. Suddenly, his feet were ripped out from beneath him and he let out a very girlish scream, as he flew beside the car, his feet flying out behind him and hands gripped at his arms to keep him against the car. The cop just stood there, his eyes filled with astonishment and his mouth popped open wide.

"Ow Let me in!" Jhev screamed, as Gary turned a corner quickly and the hands tightened on him so that he didn't fly away into a building.

"Man you're freaking heavy." Kail said. He was sticking half ways out of the window, with Lunar helping him hold Jhev up against the car. Gary turned in his seat slightly and smiled at Jhev, "See? I came to your rescue!"

Jhev's eyes narrowed, "Let me in, or let go! PICK ONE!" He screamed, slamming against the side of the car, and feeling the wind rip at his clothes.

Kail rolled his eyes, "Calm down Jhev." He grumbled as he opened the door and pulled Jhev in, both of them tumbling back onto the seats in a big hump of arms and legs.

The only sound as they tried to untangle themselves in the small place was, a loud, "Never. Again." from Jhev, and loud laughing from Gary.
WHOOP! :D Another one from Kesley~ :meow:

I find it hilarious, and if you guys don't, you obviously have no sense at all.

Same as always - Jhev and Kail belong to Kesley while Gary and Lunar belong to me!!
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