I'm Sorry

This is in Hikaru's POV and the thoughts are in these things '...' because I am too stupid to figure out how to stop the italics once I have started them.

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"Kaoru, I'm sorry." I said again.

"Hikaru, it's okay. We were just going over our script." He replied as he met my gaze.

"But still I didn't like saying those things to you."

"Don't worry about it. I didn't like saying those things either but it was in the script. We can go over to Haruhi's place sometime and it's not like you meant any of those things." As he was talking I could tell that he was sad, even if he tried to deny it. I didn't like seeing him sad. When he was sad I felt like I had to make him happy again.

I don't know when I developed these kind of feelings for my brother, I shouldn't have, but I did. It's wrong, I know, but I can't help myself. I want to be something more than just brothers, but I doubt he feels the same. I want to make him happy, not make him sad with hurtful words. It hurt me to see him sad.

"Don't lie, Kaoru. You know that I hate it when you lie to me, and when your upset."

"Hikaru, I'm fine." He insists.

"No, you're not. Just tell me the truth." 'Not like I don't already know the truth. He is upset.' I thought.

"I'm fine." He repeats and I frown.

"No. You're. Not. Your to stubborn. Tell me."

"It's nothing."

"It's something. I know that it's about the things I said. I said I was sorry."

"I said it was okay." He muttered. I sat down on our bed next to him as he avoided my gaze. I wasn't going to have any of that. I grabbed his chin and forced him to look me in the eyes.

"Don't you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Then tell me."

"Fine." He sighed. I felt a surge of triumph. He was stubborn but he almost always breaks before I do. "I know that it was part of the script but it still hurt saying those things to you and hearing those things from you."

"I'm sorry." I said again. "Why was that so hard to say?" I ask and he shrugs.

"I didn't think that it was that important." He replies. "We get to go to Haruhi's place sometime soon. You should be happy about that instead of worrying about if I'm upset or not." 'I can't believe I'm hearing this.' I thought. 'He wants me to just forget about him being sad and just be happy about going over to Haruhi's sometime. I could never do that!'

"What makes you think that I would do that?" I ask. I was never good at controlling my emotions but I was trying to keep calm.

"You love her, Hikaru. Weather you know it or not, you do. I see the way you look at her and how you talk to her. It's not that hard to tell." I was shocked. He thinks that I love her. I care about her, yes, but there is no way in hell that I love her. I just decided to go with it because I couldn't let him know that he was the one I loved.

"Weather I love her or not doesn't mean anything. Kaoru, you will always come first. You're more important to me than anybody." I dropped my hand back to my side as I said this.

"That's exactly it Hikaru!" Kaoru cried, surprising me. "We can't always be together. You need to be happy and I am just holding you back!"

"I will be happy as long as we are together!" I retort.

"We can't always be together!"

"We can try." I felt my voice going out. The fight leaving my voice.

"Yeah, we can try but it won't work." I could see the fight going out of his words too.

"We can make it work." I could see that he was shaking. 'Why is he getting so worked up?'

"No we can't."

"Yes we can."

"We can't." He whispered and he had his eyes closed. "Whatever you do I always hold you back, and that's not going to change."

"No, you don't." 'How could he think that?' "Why do you think that?"

"Doesn't matter." He muttered. He stopped shaking but the sadness lingered on his face.

"Yes it does." I tell him. He looks at me with those identical golden eyes. He opens his mouth to say something but he didn't because I went against my better judgment. I pressed my lips against his. It surprised him, I know it did. I shouldn't have but he tastes so good. I pulled back but I felt reluctant to. I couldn't meet his gaze.

"Hikaru?" Kaoru whispered. I heard the unspoken question but I didn't want to answer it.

"I'm sorry." I whispered back.

"Why did you kiss me?" He voiced his unspoken question.

"I-I..." I couldn't think of what to say so I just said.

"I don't love Haruhi and don't ever say that you hold me back. You never did." 'That was a stupid thing to say.' I told myself and I raised my head to see his face. His eyes were wide. With what? I couldn't tell.

"Hikaru, do you love me?" He asks. Curse him for being so smart. I nodded slowly.

"I'm sorry." I felt like a robot that was only programmed to say those 2 simple words. He is the only one that I would willingly apologize to. "I know that it's wrong but I can't stop feeling like this about you." I waited for his reaction. 'He is going to be disgusted. I know it.'

"There's no need to be sorry." I heard him say and I blinked at him as he leaned forward. He pushed his lips against mine hesitantly. I was surprised but I kissed back. He pulled back with a blush covering his cheeks. 'He looks cute that way.'

"What about you? Do you love me too?"

"Yes." He replied.

"Then why were you saying that stuff?"

"You act like you love Haruhi."

"I like her but as a sister. I could never not love you." I replied. "I am sorry." I said for what felt like the millionth time that day. I pulled him into another kiss.

"What for?" He asks when he pulls back.

"Making you think I loved Haruhi more than you." I pulled him into another kiss after I said this.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Kaoru asks when I pull away.

"You taste delicious." I tell him and pull him into a deep kiss.

I lick his lips, asking for entrance. He opens his mouth clightly to let my tongue invade. I explored every inch of his mouth. He made a low moaning sound as I rubbed my tongue against his. I pulled back when we needed oxygen.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Why?"

"For not doing this sooner."

"I suppose I can forgive you for that." He smirked and I copied him.

"I guess I will have to make it up to you." Just as I was leaning in to give my brother another kiss the door opened. We both froze as a maid stuck her head through the door. She didn't even blink at how close we were. They were all used to our antics by now.

"Young Masters." She began. "It's time for dinner."

"We're coming but why didn't you just call up?" Kaoru asks.

"We have." The maid states. "3 times and then we decided to come and get you.

"Sorry." I muttered. I didn't want to say it but if I didn't then Kaoru would have mentioned why I didn't use my manners.

"It's fine but can I ask what you two were doing?" She asked and looked back at us. I exchanged a look with my brother and then we bother looked back at the maid.

"We were practicing our act." We replied.

Well, it wasn't a complete lie.

Next time we do this maybe we should start sooner.